[johnforbes]

Per the reliable Babylon Bee:

"WASHINGTON, D.C. — Left without other practical options in a city overwhelmed by violent crime, President Donald Trump reportedly decided to dispense vigilante justice by dressing up like a giant bat and patrolling the streets of D.C.

Following increased incidents of assaults and other crimes perpetrated in the nation's capital, reports began to surface of sightings of a "Bat-Trump" terrorizing criminals and stopping them in their tracks.

"I'm not the hero D.C. deserves, but the one it needs right now," Trump told reporters when asked about his moonlighting as a vigilante crimefighter. "I was watching what these thugs have been doing to this beautiful city, and I thought, ‘Why not take care of this problem myself?' I've got billions of dollars to spend on gadgets and vehicles, I've got a high-tech underground headquarters here at the White House… and, let's face it, I'm a strong guy. Very strong. So I've been spending my nights swinging around and beating up criminals. You should see the looks on their faces. They're scared, believe me."

According to one criminal apprehended by Bat-Trump, the ordeal was terrifying. "It was the scariest thing I've ever seen," the suspect allegedly told police. "He dangled me off a rooftop, and I told him, ‘I'll stop committing crimes, I swear to God!' and he screamed in my face, ‘SWEAR TO ME!' You should've seen the size of his hands. Please keep me in jail. I can't go back out there with that monster."

[sillydaddy]

So how is the Left going to fight Trump on this one..
without looking like they are siding with the criminals?

[elklindo69]

So is this why Trump sent in the National Guard to DC? Shouldn't the Navy be handling sub attacks?

Even the judge said it was baloney. Now the right wing loons are overcharging for food!

[sillydaddy]

"...ABC News anchor Kyra Phillips on Monday recounted a harrowing encounter she had with a “half-dressed” homeless man who mugged her in downtown Washington, DC, as she noted that many in the nation’s capital are experiencing crime “firsthand” despite what official statistics show....."
THis news report was made Aug. 11, 2025

[elklindo69]

So if you assault a cop with flag poles, bear spray, bat, bars, weapons, beating and stomping them... you get a pardon but if you toss a Subway sandwich at a cop wearing a bulletproof vest....that’s a felony?

Now this is what I call a cold cut case!!!

[johnforbes]

Las t time Mr Forbes had a Subway sandwich, it was extremely thick and in essence constituted an assault weapon more deadly than a baseball bat.

Of course, that was before blue-haired lesbian Rapinhoe endorsed Subway, and Mr Forbes was constrained to stop patronizing that establishment.

As for the full story of that riot, apparently Ray Epps had multiple phone calls to Speaker Pelosi's office in the few weeks before that riot, so what were those calls about?

[Clownkicker]

"As for the full story of that riot, apparently Ray Epps had multiple phone calls to Speaker Pelosi's office in the few weeks before that riot, so what were those calls about?"-johnfibs

johnforbes falls for the next childish lie from Republicans about Epps phoning Pelosi before Jan. 6th.

There is nothing so stupid that johnforbes won't simply glom onto it if his partisan handlers tell him it's true. Gawd forbid johnforbes ever questions his handlers.

Of course, there were no phone calls from Epps to Pelosi before the riots. And the proof is that the clowns who told you this lie cited an FOIA request as the source for their information. But such records would not be obtainable through FOIA requests, because Congress is exempt from the law. They would not have complied with the request even if it were made, which it wasn't. It's just more made up stupid shit from MAGGOT-world conspiracy nutjobs.(Of which johnforbes is a card-carrying member. Make America Stupid Again!)

johnny, stop being such a tool.
(But it should be noted that even on the subject of sandwiches and crime in D.C., johnforbes still couldn't post without bringing up his obsession with gay sex once again by pointlessly fixating on Rapinoe who has nothing to do with this story. Sadly, it is all too easy to believe that johnforbes actually does choose which businesses he patronizes based solely on who endorses them. He gets orders from his handlers and he mindlessly complies.)

[elklindo69]

The judge determined that assault with breadly weapon is not a felony. The real crime is how much that Subway sandwich cost.

Apparently the cops were expecting donuts but got a submarine sandwich....

[johnforbes]

If you get one of those subs with stale bread, it does become a weapon.

Combine that with the person who threw the sub and you have the crime.

He was a lawyer at DoJ and no doubt trained in finding seashells spelling out political messages like Comey.

Mr Forbes would type more about this brutal crime, but his delicate sensibility is such than he must do 50 correct slow elbow-break pushups which RFK Jr and Hegseth were not videotaped doing well.

[Clownkicker]

"If you get one of those subs with stale bread, it does become a weapon."-johnfuckhead

Subway is famous for baking their bread fresh every day. You CAN'T get one of those sandwiches made with stale bread there, dimwit. And there goes the premise if your unfunny post.

You are about as funny as the Babylon Bee, as reflected in your moronic post about Stevie Wonder getting a CDL in California. And since no blind person has ever actually gotten a CDL in California, and no one has ever proposed blind people should get a CDL in California, there goes the premise of another of your unfunny threads that has nothing to do with politics or reality in America.

johnny, why not post about Trump's three-hour Alaska summit where Putin mad a fool of Trump yet again and Trump got nothing while Putin got everything he wanted? Why not start a thread about how Zelensky made a fool of Trump in his last visit by wearing a better suit than that rumpled sack Trump wears, and this time Zelensky brought backup from the rest of Europe, leaving Trump impotent. Trump couldn't bully a room full of his better-dressed betters. And if he can't bully someone, he is powerless. He's used to punching down at those who are defenseless. But not this time.

And instead of your fruity push ups with RFK jr., why not start a thread about how RFK jr. is dismantling our health care in America and setting the U.S. back fifty years in research, vaccines, and public health? And for what? So he can declare a "win" by having soda pop made with cane sugar instead of corn sugar. Now THAT will really improve health in America...What an imbecile.

Or why not start a thread about how Pirro is refusing to make arrests and prosecute crimes in D.C. just because she personally disagrees with the law?

Or you could start a thread about why you now support a state-run economy over capitalism and free trade. Explain why you now support blanket "protective tariffs" that don't protect any American businesses. You used to oppose such things. Or explain why you support tax cuts for the wealthiest in this country but support a massive tax increase on the poor and middle class in the form of tariffs. Or why you support corporate tax cuts but support a 15% tax increases on Nvidia by forcing them to pay targeted graft to the government. Or maybe you could explain to us how Nvidia was not allowed to sell chips to China because it was against our national security interests. But now that they pay the government an extra 15% tax, they can now sell chips to China and it is suddenly NOT against our national security interests any longer.

There are so many things you could be posting about, but instead you are making pathetic, unfunny jokes without fact-based premises. And on top of it all, elklindo has been wiping the floor with you and giving you a master class in stupid puns, which you delude yourself into thinking you are good at. You aren't.

johnny, please start discussing politics here instead of just your fixation on gay sex for a change. You have a chance to explain your partisan hypocrisy to us so we can understand what it means to be a Trump toady. I would really like to understand your gross ignorance and stupidity.

I'm not kidding. I would really like to understand it.