Groaner Jokes- The Return - Page 13 - The Amateur Message Boards of the World Famous VoyeurWeb

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#46635

By rockclimber - Thu Sep 18, 2014 8:48 pm

- Thu Sep 18, 2014 8:48 pm #46635

He he :ugeek:

Attachments

tight hole.jpg (105.75 KiB) Viewed 18237 times

"I would like a lifetime spent,
With an irrational and suspicious goddess,
Some short tempered jealousy on the side...
And a bottle of wine that tastes like you...
... and a glass that's never empty...."

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#46684

By Coffjr - Fri Sep 19, 2014 4:21 pm

- Fri Sep 19, 2014 4:21 pm #46684

Good one Rock.

I had to show off my lawn mower.

Attachments

ATT00001.jpeg (132.19 KiB) Viewed 18226 times

Always forgive your enemies -- nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar Wilde

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#46687

By Jbe - Fri Sep 19, 2014 5:01 pm

- Fri Sep 19, 2014 5:01 pm #46687

WOOF!!!

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#46714

By redback - Sat Sep 20, 2014 1:50 am

- Sat Sep 20, 2014 1:50 am #46714

A baby polar bear trots up to mumma polar bear and asks " Am I a real polar bear?"
MUM- "Of course your a real polar bear".
BABY- "Your sure I'm not a cross bred, black bear maybe or a bit of zodiac?"
MUM- "Oh don't be ridiculous, if you have a problem go see your father".
So baby polar bear go's up to daddy polar bear and asks "Am I a real polar bear?"
DAD- "Of course your a real polar bear son".
BABY- "Your sure I'm not a cross bred, I don't have any grissly or koala in me?"
DAD- "Of course not son, your a pure bred polar bear, why do you ask?"
BABY- "Cause Im fuckin cold".....

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#46721

By Jbe - Sat Sep 20, 2014 9:38 am

- Sat Sep 20, 2014 9:38 am #46721

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Attachments

10401977_10152568451697661_8931462340821490811_n.jpg (31.26 KiB) Viewed 18206 times

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#46776

By Thumper - Sun Sep 21, 2014 11:32 am

- Sun Sep 21, 2014 11:32 am #46776

That one is awesome!
Love the muppets!

Hey how bout this one?
http://www.youtube.com/embed/o3gIf16d0Tc

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass
...its about learning to dance in the rain!

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#46787

By mandadees - Sun Sep 21, 2014 4:20 pm

- Sun Sep 21, 2014 4:20 pm #46787

:arrow: Hey there,

I just had a laugh over this with my bff.

Happy Sunday!

Attachments

:-)
mail0031.jpg (98.7 KiB) Viewed 18178 times

"The music that really turns me on is either running toward God or away from God. Both recognize the pivot, that God is at the center of the jaunt."
-- Bono

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#46820

By FastFive - Mon Sep 22, 2014 7:24 am

- Mon Sep 22, 2014 7:24 am #46820

Another topless Jennifer Lawrence pic...

Sometimes you just need to relax...
... to relax
... torelax
... orelax
... orelsax
... oralsex
... oral sex
Sometimes you just need oral sex.

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#46827

By rockclimber - Mon Sep 22, 2014 9:41 am

- Mon Sep 22, 2014 9:41 am #46827

And missing her top half and bottom half lol!

"I would like a lifetime spent,
With an irrational and suspicious goddess,
Some short tempered jealousy on the side...
And a bottle of wine that tastes like you...
... and a glass that's never empty...."

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#46829

By Thumper - Mon Sep 22, 2014 9:52 am

- Mon Sep 22, 2014 9:52 am #46829

Pity we don't get to see her cans! :twisted:

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass
...its about learning to dance in the rain!

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#46830

By FastFive - Mon Sep 22, 2014 10:02 am

- Mon Sep 22, 2014 10:02 am #46830

Thumper wrote:Pity we don't get to see her cans! :twisted:

That was even worse than mine. :lol:

Sometimes you just need to relax...
... to relax
... torelax
... orelax
... orelsax
... oralsex
... oral sex
Sometimes you just need oral sex.

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#46840

By Thinker - Mon Sep 22, 2014 3:33 pm

- Mon Sep 22, 2014 3:33 pm #46840

I am drinking her in...

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#46851

By 327retro - Tue Sep 23, 2014 12:55 am

- Tue Sep 23, 2014 12:55 am #46851

Coffjr wrote:Good one Rock.

I had to show off my lawn mower.

Jr. the least you could have done is get her a self propelled. :roll:

Be a flirt raise your skirt.

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#46859

By rockclimber - Tue Sep 23, 2014 4:48 am

- Tue Sep 23, 2014 4:48 am #46859

Coffjr wrote:Good one Rock.

I had to show off my lawn mower.

Bows, sometimes on rare occasion I find a good one, ha!

"I would like a lifetime spent,
With an irrational and suspicious goddess,
Some short tempered jealousy on the side...
And a bottle of wine that tastes like you...
... and a glass that's never empty...."

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47028

By Coffjr - Wed Sep 24, 2014 9:05 pm

- Wed Sep 24, 2014 9:05 pm #47028

I'm keeping my mouth shut.

Attachments

Untitled attachment 00426.jpg (32.75 KiB) Viewed 18086 times

Always forgive your enemies -- nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar Wilde

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47061

By Coffjr - Thu Sep 25, 2014 4:36 pm

- Thu Sep 25, 2014 4:36 pm #47061

How many wish they could??

Attachments

Untitled attachment 00417.jpg (72.07 KiB) Viewed 18068 times

Always forgive your enemies -- nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar Wilde

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47085

By 327retro - Thu Sep 25, 2014 11:02 pm

- Thu Sep 25, 2014 11:02 pm #47085

Couple of good ones Jr..

Attachments

Men.jpg (14.93 KiB) Viewed 18100 times

Be a flirt raise your skirt.

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47087

By mandadees - Thu Sep 25, 2014 11:15 pm

- Thu Sep 25, 2014 11:15 pm #47087

:cry: I can't sleep!

Anyone like to run? I need sponsors. lol.

Attachments

I'll sign up for this
fun run.jpg (40.33 KiB) Viewed 18066 times

"The music that really turns me on is either running toward God or away from God. Both recognize the pivot, that God is at the center of the jaunt."
-- Bono

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47089

By 327retro - Thu Sep 25, 2014 11:28 pm

- Thu Sep 25, 2014 11:28 pm #47089

Good morning Manda. :lol: I only run when someone taller and heavier is chasing me.

Be a flirt raise your skirt.

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47093

By mandadees - Thu Sep 25, 2014 11:37 pm

- Thu Sep 25, 2014 11:37 pm #47093

I'll catch you then! :lol:

"The music that really turns me on is either running toward God or away from God. Both recognize the pivot, that God is at the center of the jaunt."
-- Bono

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47095

By 327retro - Thu Sep 25, 2014 11:41 pm

- Thu Sep 25, 2014 11:41 pm #47095

Could I at least fain an effort? Wouldn't want you to get the wrong impression and think I'm easy.

Be a flirt raise your skirt.

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47096

By mandadees - Thu Sep 25, 2014 11:42 pm

- Thu Sep 25, 2014 11:42 pm #47096

He he, You'd never be easy! Just fun!

"The music that really turns me on is either running toward God or away from God. Both recognize the pivot, that God is at the center of the jaunt."
-- Bono

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47120

By Jbe - Fri Sep 26, 2014 11:00 am

- Fri Sep 26, 2014 11:00 am #47120

This is actually a true story... and it goes back some 33 years to shortly before my daughter was born. I was looking at the bottle brush and nipple brush my then wife had gotten. I remember looking at the nipple brush thinking, "Now why in the world would any woman use that on herself? Wouldn't that hurt?" not knowing then what it was actually used for.

I like to think I'm a little more knowledgeable now... but that may not be the case. :roll: :roll:

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47132

By Thinker - Fri Sep 26, 2014 7:33 pm

- Fri Sep 26, 2014 7:33 pm #47132

I'll sponsor you Manda for the instant gratification run. You will be #6, and I'll be #9...of course. That is 1 run that I can run to the end.

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47163

By rockclimber - Sat Sep 27, 2014 10:21 am

- Sat Sep 27, 2014 10:21 am #47163

:lol: This is my weapon......

Attachments

IMG_20140927_132019.jpg (76.47 KiB) Viewed 18027 times

"I would like a lifetime spent,
With an irrational and suspicious goddess,
Some short tempered jealousy on the side...
And a bottle of wine that tastes like you...
... and a glass that's never empty...."

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47168

By Coffjr - Sat Sep 27, 2014 12:55 pm

- Sat Sep 27, 2014 12:55 pm #47168

I don't remember if this has been posted before but anyway - JR and John sitting on a bench......I'm the better looking one. :lol:

Attachments

ATT00001.jpg (257.67 KiB) Viewed 18023 times

Always forgive your enemies -- nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar Wilde

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47173

By Jbe - Sat Sep 27, 2014 6:53 pm

- Sat Sep 27, 2014 6:53 pm #47173

So I guess that makes me the other one. Now... which one would that be? :? :? :?

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47266

By Coffjr - Tue Sep 30, 2014 3:36 pm

- Tue Sep 30, 2014 3:36 pm #47266

“Husband's occupation?”

"He's a funeral director," she answered. "Interesting" the newsman thought. He then asked her if she
wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time a
smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker
when she was in her 20’s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, a preacher when in her 60's,
and now - in her 80's - a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained:

"I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go!"

Always forgive your enemies -- nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar Wilde

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47276

By mandadees - Tue Sep 30, 2014 8:19 pm

- Tue Sep 30, 2014 8:19 pm #47276

OK you Bond Lovers, here's one. :lol: :lol:

Attachments

download (1).jpg (9.62 KiB) Viewed 17930 times

"The music that really turns me on is either running toward God or away from God. Both recognize the pivot, that God is at the center of the jaunt."
-- Bono

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47278

By 327retro - Wed Oct 01, 2014 12:07 am

- Wed Oct 01, 2014 12:07 am #47278

rockclimber wrote::lol: This is my weapon......

Love it Rock.

Be a flirt raise your skirt.

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47279

By 327retro - Wed Oct 01, 2014 12:24 am

- Wed Oct 01, 2014 12:24 am #47279

Choose your words wisely guys.

hello-kitty-taser.jpg (20.55 KiB) Viewed 17959 times

He said the spark between us was gone, so I tasered him.
I'll ask him again when he wakes up.

Be a flirt raise your skirt.

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47341

By mandadees - Thu Oct 02, 2014 10:30 pm

- Thu Oct 02, 2014 10:30 pm #47341

Grumpy,

I need one of those! :lol: :lol:

"The music that really turns me on is either running toward God or away from God. Both recognize the pivot, that God is at the center of the jaunt."
-- Bono

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47345

By 327retro - Fri Oct 03, 2014 2:29 am

- Fri Oct 03, 2014 2:29 am #47345

Hopefully not for one of us!

Be a flirt raise your skirt.

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47390

By mandadees - Fri Oct 03, 2014 3:13 pm

- Fri Oct 03, 2014 3:13 pm #47390

No lol, I have a shot gun for that if I need it, ha ha ha!

jk :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

"The music that really turns me on is either running toward God or away from God. Both recognize the pivot, that God is at the center of the jaunt."
-- Bono

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47391

By FastFive - Fri Oct 03, 2014 3:41 pm

- Fri Oct 03, 2014 3:41 pm #47391

Like this?

Sometimes you just need to relax...
... to relax
... torelax
... orelax
... orelsax
... oralsex
... oral sex
Sometimes you just need oral sex.

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47394

By mandadees - Fri Oct 03, 2014 5:39 pm

- Fri Oct 03, 2014 5:39 pm #47394

Oh my god, Fast, that is so cute! I want one now!

Now I want to go paint balling, who's in?

Retro you have to bring something in a mason jar! Fast has a big gun, he's on my team too!

Anyone else up?

"The music that really turns me on is either running toward God or away from God. Both recognize the pivot, that God is at the center of the jaunt."
-- Bono

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47409

By Thinker - Fri Oct 03, 2014 8:41 pm

- Fri Oct 03, 2014 8:41 pm #47409

I will play paintball. I really enjoy playing. I will cover Manda if she gets into trouble. By cover, I really mean cover her body with mine to shield her. Even if you are not in trouble...

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47415

By Coffjr - Fri Oct 03, 2014 9:10 pm

- Fri Oct 03, 2014 9:10 pm #47415

Little late Manda but I'm in. Do I have to bring a shotgun? I've got a big one, pump action.

Always forgive your enemies -- nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar Wilde

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47419

By 327retro - Fri Oct 03, 2014 11:47 pm

- Fri Oct 03, 2014 11:47 pm #47419

Manda, would you prefer some of my Tennessee stash or my local SC apple pie?

Be a flirt raise your skirt.

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47536

By honora - Sun Oct 05, 2014 6:26 pm

- Sun Oct 05, 2014 6:26 pm #47536

Extreme couponing at it's best??

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Orgasm-coupon.jpg (39.69 KiB) Viewed 17805 times

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47547

By Coffjr - Sun Oct 05, 2014 7:41 pm

- Sun Oct 05, 2014 7:41 pm #47547

Honora - I printed out 20 copies....it didn't say one per.

Now where do I turn it in?? :lol:

Always forgive your enemies -- nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar Wilde

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47548

By honora - Sun Oct 05, 2014 7:53 pm

- Sun Oct 05, 2014 7:53 pm #47548

Jr, as the instructions state, give it to me!!

Sex is always on my mind

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47549

By Coffjr - Sun Oct 05, 2014 7:59 pm

- Sun Oct 05, 2014 7:59 pm #47549

I'll be right over and hand one over to you. Just love a woman with sex on her mind.

Sleeping well lately?

Always forgive your enemies -- nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar Wilde

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47551

By honora - Sun Oct 05, 2014 8:09 pm

- Sun Oct 05, 2014 8:09 pm #47551

I'd sleep better if I had someone to wear me out before bed

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47561

By mandadees - Sun Oct 05, 2014 9:39 pm

- Sun Oct 05, 2014 9:39 pm #47561

Oh I need one of those too! LOL

Jr, print me off a few too please?

"The music that really turns me on is either running toward God or away from God. Both recognize the pivot, that God is at the center of the jaunt."
-- Bono

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47588

By Coffjr - Mon Oct 06, 2014 1:20 pm

- Mon Oct 06, 2014 1:20 pm #47588

Honora - I'm UP for the challenge.

Manda dear - I'd be more than happy to print you off a few. Now wOOd those coupons be for me to give to you for redemption (that is the right word, isn't it)? :?

Always forgive your enemies -- nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar Wilde

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47589

By Coffjr - Mon Oct 06, 2014 1:21 pm

- Mon Oct 06, 2014 1:21 pm #47589

ANDY ROONEY ON SEX!

1. When I was born, I was given a choice - a big pecker or a good memory.... I don't remember what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings..."

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.

6. There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly.

7. Virginity can be cured.

8. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.

9. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

10. Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Answer: Breasts don't have eyes.

11. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!

Always forgive your enemies -- nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar Wilde

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47603

By Thinker - Mon Oct 06, 2014 7:50 pm

- Mon Oct 06, 2014 7:50 pm #47603

honora wrote:I'd sleep better if I had someone to wear me out before bed

I thought you had a boyfriend. Shouldn't he be doing this, I mean, doing you? Or are you one of those rare women who needs sooooo much to be worn out that no single man can finish the job himself?

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47604

By Thinker - Mon Oct 06, 2014 7:56 pm

- Mon Oct 06, 2014 7:56 pm #47604

Here are a couple more:

12. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

13. Having sex is like playing bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

14. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dial were too small.

15. Question: What's an Australian kiss?
Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

Re: Groaner Jokes- The Return#47605

By mandadees - Mon Oct 06, 2014 8:01 pm

- Mon Oct 06, 2014 8:01 pm #47605

Jr, If you can shoot, Ill pump you up! ha ha!

Thinker, 7, 8, 9, 10 and a double helping of 15 please?

"The music that really turns me on is either running toward God or away from God. Both recognize the pivot, that God is at the center of the jaunt."
-- Bono