[johnforbes]

Per the most credible news source of them all, the Babylon Bee:


"ANTARCTICA — With the unexpected growth of the polar ice caps ruining his climate campaign, a frustrated Al Gore was seen blowing a hair dryer at the ice caps in a desperate bid to get them melting again.

Gore reportedly mounted a dangerous expedition to the southern ice caps armed with only hair dryers and aerosol cans, resolved to either stop the ice cap growth himself or to punch a hole in the ozone layer and let the sun do the work.

"Come on, melt baby," said Gore, shivering. "You're killing me. Stupid cold weather making stupid ice and causing stupid falling sea levels. I hate you so much, you dumb ice. Die, die, die!"

According to aides close to Gore, the former Vice President had become increasingly enraged as reports steadily confirmed the good news about the polar ice caps regrowing. "Nooo. This can't be happening," said Gore, distraught. "We're not all about to die? This is terrible news. Terrible, cataclysmic news. We cannot allow humanity to not be about to die. Look like it's up to me."