[327retro]

FF. Family photo was a hoot. Dawg, (uha) the titty bar is for company, I keep my privet stock close at hand...

Wish I could comment on all the great stuff you guys come up with, but I have to git. The titty bar is about to open and I can't be late.

Later ya'll.

[Jbe]

That's creative. :lol: :lol:

[Jbe]

Ok... I don't usually do political jokes, but this was just to good to pass up. :lol: :lol:

President Obama walks into a local bank in Chicago to cash a check. He is surrounded by Secret Service agents. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me?"

Cashier:
"It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?"

Obama:
"Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am President Barack Obama, the President of the United States of AMERICA !!!!"

Cashier:
"Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of 9/11, impostors, forgers, money laundering, and bad mortgage underwriting not to mention requirements of the Dodd/Frank legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID."

Obama:
“Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."

Cashier:
"I am sorry Mr. President but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."

Obama:
"I am urging you, please, to cash this check. I need to buy a gift for Michelle for Valentine’s Day"

Cashier:
"Look Mr. President, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into one of our bank branches without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a coffee cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check.”
“Another time, Andre Agassi came into the same place without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot where as the tennis ball landed in a coffee cup. With that shot we cashed his check.
So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the President of the United States?"

Obama:
Obama stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank...there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do and I don’t have a clue.”

Cashier:
"Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?

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[redback]

Love the shirt Jbe, I have to get one.

[327retro]

Plumbers crack camouflage, brilliant . Check cashing? Oh Ya!!!

As Paul Harvey would say, Good Day!

Speaking of Paul...

[rockclimber]

A friend sent this, had to smile.....

[Jbe]

Thanks for the announcement about the aliens, Redback. I better get packed, too. :roll: :roll: :roll: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Jbe]

Rock, I don't get it. :? :? :? What am I missing?

[rockclimber]

It came with boobie flashes. I completely forgot the most important part. It was a part of a long running conversation with some friends, none of whom post here, yet. But an invitation was made to a few friends to join in. The comment was basically, a well placed boobies flash will motivate most men to do just about anything. Which works for me more often than not. Not to imply that any guy is a fool and easily manipulated, just that, being friendly, being human, acknowledging each of our sexuality goes a long way towards making some relationships a lot more fun.

And obviously I still can't say anything simply.........

But you get the drift......

Here's to breasts
They are the bests
To each and all
Large medium and small
And the angels who bare them
All I can say is dayemmm!



Later peeps!

[Jbe]

Well dat esplains a whole lot, Lucy!

And you are right, Rock. It's amazing what us guys will do for a peek... or a feel... or a lick... at a couple of mounds of fat on a woman's chest. :? :roll:

[Thinker]

That's why women do want nudism to take hold. If we saw boobies too much, they would not be special and could not be used as one of their tools to get us to work.

[mandadees]

Thinker, believe me, if I m going to flirt, you will know it! :lol:

[Thinker]

And I would love being flirted by you!!!

[Coffjr]

Manda - I'd know when you were flirting and would love it.

My latest entry:

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from New York, says, 'I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'

The second, from Chicago, responds, 'Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.'
The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, 'No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: 'You know, I like construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.'

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington, DC shut them all up when he observed: 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine.
Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable.

[Jbe]

jr.... :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Jbe]

Pad pun.

[rockclimber]

Tongue n Groove?

[Jbe]

TnG? Lady Thumps??? Where????? :shock: :shock: :shock: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

[Thinker]

Proof that women are layers upon layers!

[Coffjr]

Nice one John....the picture not the pun, well maybe it too.

[Jbe]

Here's one for the ladies.

[327retro]

Jr. 8-14-14 22:00. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Noticed a little TnG reference along the way. Nice artwork but I'm glad Miss TnG's are smaller and prettier.

I don't know why the guy on the bike reminds of ICU but...

[Jbe]

Could be, Grumps... or maybe Thinker. He's the one that rides, isn't he?

[rockclimber]

Any questions? I don't recall this last part from school though......

[Thinker]

I do ride but have never seen her! I must be on the wrong trails. That biker is not me, but I would have an even bigger smile on my face than he does!

[Jbe]

I don't either, Rock. I must have gone to the wrong school... and like Thinker I must be on the wrong trails. :?

[FastFive]

Also... I love her pants. A girl in cargos (especially only cargos) is soooo hot! :mrgreen:

[Jbe]

There is something sexy about that, ain't there, Fast?! When I first saw the pic it reminded me of Olivia Dunham in the t.v. show Fringe. Don't ask me why... it just did.. and still does.

[Jbe]

A 7 year old and a 4 year old are in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 7 year old, "I think it's time we started swearing. When we go downstairs for breakfast I'll swear first and then you."

"Ok", says the 4 year old.

Mom asks the older kid what he wants for breakfast. "I'll have Cocoa Puffs, bitch."

WHACK!!! He flew out of his chair crying his eyes out. Mom looked at the 4 year old and said sternly, "And what do you want for breakfast?"

"I dunno. But it won't be fucking Cocoa Puffs."

:roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:

[Coffjr]

I have always hated cocoa puffs!


John, age 81 and Rebecca,age 80, living in Southern California are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. John suggests they go in.

John addresses the man behind the counter:

"Are you the owner?"

Paul answers, "Yes."

John: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Paul: "Of course, we do."

John: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Paul: "All kinds."

John: "Medicine for rheumatism?"

Paul: "Definitely."

John: "How about suppositories?"

Paul: "You bet!"

John: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?"

Paul: "Yes, a large variety. The Works."

Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"

Paul: "Absolutely."

John: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"

Paul: "We sure do."

John: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"

Paul: "All speeds and sizes."

John: "Adult diapers?"

Paul: "Sure."

John: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."

[Jbe]

Ohhhh, jr... you are soooo funnee! I'm NOT 81... I don't know anyone named Rebecca... and Doc Paul doesn't live in southern California. :lol: :lol: :lol: Other than that... :roll: :roll:

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[mandadees]

Fishing looks fun, can he turn around?

[FastFive]

One small note on the subject of pretty ladies in cargo pants...

There's a bit of a labor debate going on locally between the police officers union and the city. Very long story made short: a planned "pension reform" is really screwing over the police (and other branches of municipal workers like firemen, etc). The provincial gov't is short about $4 billion and they're expecting the workers to take a 10% cut to their paychecks to cover it. :evil: Since police cannot legally go on strike they're going ahead with other forms of protest like stickers on their cars and buildings, and to the point of this post... non-regulation uniforms, which is basically camo pants of choice (since they can't really wear a different top because all their equipment, vest, plates, rank insignia, etc works on their tops).

Yesterday I was driving along and there was an unmarked cruiser ahead, lights ablaze, with someone pulled over. As I stop at the adjacent intersection I notice it's a woman cop, and she's in camos! :mrgreen: I've seen the two women cops in the area.... both are pretty good looking ladies. Out of uniform, with their hair down I'm sure either would turn a head or two walking through the mall.

This thread and the above biking pic popped into my head. LOL I doubt she'd have been amused. :lol:

[Jbe]

True story.

[Coffjr]

Now John, what makes you think the joke was about you and Doc Paul? :lol:

[Jbe]

Ohhhh... I dunno, jr. :roll: :roll: :roll: :lol: :lol: Just a hunch... and probably cuz I've inserted your name in a joke more than once.

[Coffjr]

You inserted my name in a few jokes - I had never noticed..... :lol: :lol:

All is good and fun.

[Jbe]

jr :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Jbe]

Grumpy? :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[FastFive]

In light of recent conversations in the Town Hall thread... :lol:

[Jbe]

Another one for you, Manda.

[Jbe]

And one for us guys. :roll:

[FastFive]

I seriously need a kilt! :|

Also, if I can work myself out to about half as ripped as he looks I'd be thrilled. :roll:

[FastFive]

Oh, the irony! :lol:

[FastFive]

Another unfortunate name...

[FastFive]

Kudos to this guy for convincing the journalist. :lol:

[Jbe]

A Welshman was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him.

Looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island. After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.

One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus *****, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely Welshman. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.

But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when he rescued her and he slowly nursed her back to health.

When the young maiden was well enough, he introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening... red sky, cirrus *****, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon, the Welshman started to get 'those feelings' again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and, realizing he now had the opportunity, leaned over to the young woman cautiously and whispered in her ear,

'Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?'

[Jbe]

:o