- Tue Mar 20, 2018 5:07 pm
#101008
It wasn't until yesterday that I fully came to terms with what happened to me. I feel like an absolute useless, worthless, colossal failure. I am feeling so sad. I am a weak spineless person. I am truly lost. This is so upsetting to me I don’t think I can discuss this verbally with anyone without bursting into tears. I am a 42year old woman what is wrong with me? My husband and I have been married for 17 years and have a 15year old daughter! I am 5ft10 tall heterosexual curvy hourgllass shaped attractive brunette. I have a rather large breasts and i do have a big butt. I don't intend to dress in any particular 'way' for anyone. I just wear what I like. I don't 'ask' for anything. I don't ask to be groped. I wear clothes that fit me properly. Most of my outfit are satin pant and skirt suits satin coats and satin and silk blouses.I am always on high heels and full make up on. If you are curvy, tall and busty, many clothes tend to look sexier on you than on a thin person. So things that fit properly that are relatively conservative can be suddenly too revealing and sexy when you put it on. This happens to me a lot.I wear almost always my satin and silk blouses fully buttoned to the top combined with a satin skirt or satin pants. I don't wear anything vulgar but because of my body type anything i wear looks tight on me. Being tall and curvy draws attention on its own. This can be both positive and negative. I tower over plenty of men and women. I was sexualised from a very early age, and shamed for the way my body looks - something I have no control over. I can't help how wide my hips grow or how big my breasts get.
My mother used to shame me for the way my body looked. If I wanted to wear a skirt or dress, she always discouraged it, she always thought my skirt was 'too short' or 'too tight', or there was something wrong with my dress-sense. There's always guys flirting or asking me for my number. When i go out in public guys start talking to me and subtlety try to ask me out. I mention i have a husband but some of them wont go away. I have trouble being mean so i cant get them to leave me alone. I end up getting stressed by it. The irony is that all this time I've been afraid of men, perceiving any touch as a sexual advance that I should fear - when really, it was a short,skinny old woman I should have feared. My story just seems so implausible that I feel I won't be believe. A month ago on February 19th i i attended women over 40 conference in the neighboring town. I was wearing a purple long sleeve satin blouse buttoned up to the top,my black satin pencil skirt, sheer black pantyhose and my 5 inch heels purple shoes. I left my coat in my car.I sat down and this short like 5ft3 skinny freckled face creepy green eyes thin lips red haired masculine woman in her mid 50s sat right next to me on my left hand side. The conference started and a few minutes in this creepy ginger woman beside me leaned over slightly and whispered something about the conference, as she squeezed my shoulder. I nodded, trying to ignore her presence, but her hand stayed on my shoulder after she squeezed it; in fact she began rubbing my shoulder as she introduced herself.
I squirmed slightly, trying to let her know i didn't appreciate being touched by a stranger, but it had the unfortunate effect of shifting her hand slightly onto my chest. "I'm sorry,"s he whispered - "It's just that i can’t resist touching and stroking satin fabric". She was now rubbing in slightly larger circles, moving further onto my chest near my collar bone - well above my breasts.
Her hand slipped a bit lower, and her fingers brushed against the upper slope of my left breast. Her fingers now going back upwards, and then to my shoulder - then back to the center of my collarbone, where her fingers toyed with one of the small buttons there.
Her hand was rubbing in circles again.
"It's just so soft and smooth, - do you mind if I feel it for just a moment more?" Her hand was drifting lower and lower. Then her hand was slipping all the way onto my breasts. She began rubbing her hand in a circular motion against my breasts. Her right hand was practically constantly on my breasts during the conference. I sat there totally paralyzed. I couldn't move my hands and legs. I couldn't talk normal. I couldn't get words out of my mouth. Mouth was open but no words came out of it. It was like i went into ‘freeze’ mode when she started touching me.I just was in shock. The conference ended I started to rise from the chair while she was still sitting, and she then reached over and squeezed my butt about four or five times .
I didn't know what to do, and I actually laughed, even though that was the last thing I felt like doing. At the post conference cocktail she was behind me with her both hands rubbing my ass. At one point she hugged me from behind subtly placing her hands on my breasts and cupped and started to stroke my breasts . I just stood there stiff as a board not saying a word. Other women at the conference were weirded out but they ignored that and said/did nothing as if nothing was happening.I think that the women were in shock themselves,maybe they thought we knew each other?Unfortunately some people don’t like to get involved if they feel uncomfortable or threatened or not sure what is going on. While i was walking to my car she was walking behind me with her hands on my ass talking to me about the conference.She was resting her hands on my butt.She had her arm around me from behind and was just cupping one of my boobs. I tried to walk fast but i was on a 5inch high heels.I didn’t say anything or tell her to stop. I was just standing and sitting there letting it happen. Afterwards when i got home I started breathing hard, my legs got weak, and my heart started to race really fast.I have never felt such shame or degradation like this in my life. That happened to me a month ago but i am still so embarrassed by the whole thing.I was physically stronger than her and eventually had to push her off me to make her stop,but I was quiet and afraid, I let her touch all over my body. I’m embarrassed that this weird ginger short skinny masculine stranger woman was touching me and groping me so intimately in front of more than 60 other women and I did nothing about it.I am physically stronger than her.I am 5ft10 tall well built well endowed and curvy.She is like 5ft3 tall skinny.I was on 6inch high heels she was in sneakers.Standing next to me she looked like a midget. People only seem to recognise/acknowledge one type of sexual abuse/rape - the 'classic' sense, that of course involves a man, him having the advantage of strength, the act being very violent, involving overpowering etc. etc. When...it didn't. At least not for me. The thing is, afterwards, I blocked out what happened and continued on as normal. And while this has happened, I've been too afraid to say anything. I've tried to block it out and ignore. Initially, I've been angry. Now I'm just afraid of the next time it'll happen. I'm so passive and weak. I've been left feeling extremely paranoid and anxious.
I want to tell my husband about this, but I'm afraid he won't believe me. He is extremely jealous and possessive.He is going to blame me. I'm still in shock, if I'm honest. Really delayed response, too. I don't know what happened to me that I just decided I couldn't face what happened and I had to repress. I had to move on as if nothing had happened. I feel so foolish and used by this pervert hideous short skinny mature total stranger woman.
My mother used to shame me for the way my body looked. If I wanted to wear a skirt or dress, she always discouraged it, she always thought my skirt was 'too short' or 'too tight', or there was something wrong with my dress-sense. There's always guys flirting or asking me for my number. When i go out in public guys start talking to me and subtlety try to ask me out. I mention i have a husband but some of them wont go away. I have trouble being mean so i cant get them to leave me alone. I end up getting stressed by it. The irony is that all this time I've been afraid of men, perceiving any touch as a sexual advance that I should fear - when really, it was a short,skinny old woman I should have feared. My story just seems so implausible that I feel I won't be believe. A month ago on February 19th i i attended women over 40 conference in the neighboring town. I was wearing a purple long sleeve satin blouse buttoned up to the top,my black satin pencil skirt, sheer black pantyhose and my 5 inch heels purple shoes. I left my coat in my car.I sat down and this short like 5ft3 skinny freckled face creepy green eyes thin lips red haired masculine woman in her mid 50s sat right next to me on my left hand side. The conference started and a few minutes in this creepy ginger woman beside me leaned over slightly and whispered something about the conference, as she squeezed my shoulder. I nodded, trying to ignore her presence, but her hand stayed on my shoulder after she squeezed it; in fact she began rubbing my shoulder as she introduced herself.
I squirmed slightly, trying to let her know i didn't appreciate being touched by a stranger, but it had the unfortunate effect of shifting her hand slightly onto my chest. "I'm sorry,"s he whispered - "It's just that i can’t resist touching and stroking satin fabric". She was now rubbing in slightly larger circles, moving further onto my chest near my collar bone - well above my breasts.
Her hand slipped a bit lower, and her fingers brushed against the upper slope of my left breast. Her fingers now going back upwards, and then to my shoulder - then back to the center of my collarbone, where her fingers toyed with one of the small buttons there.
Her hand was rubbing in circles again.
"It's just so soft and smooth, - do you mind if I feel it for just a moment more?" Her hand was drifting lower and lower. Then her hand was slipping all the way onto my breasts. She began rubbing her hand in a circular motion against my breasts. Her right hand was practically constantly on my breasts during the conference. I sat there totally paralyzed. I couldn't move my hands and legs. I couldn't talk normal. I couldn't get words out of my mouth. Mouth was open but no words came out of it. It was like i went into ‘freeze’ mode when she started touching me.I just was in shock. The conference ended I started to rise from the chair while she was still sitting, and she then reached over and squeezed my butt about four or five times .
I didn't know what to do, and I actually laughed, even though that was the last thing I felt like doing. At the post conference cocktail she was behind me with her both hands rubbing my ass. At one point she hugged me from behind subtly placing her hands on my breasts and cupped and started to stroke my breasts . I just stood there stiff as a board not saying a word. Other women at the conference were weirded out but they ignored that and said/did nothing as if nothing was happening.I think that the women were in shock themselves,maybe they thought we knew each other?Unfortunately some people don’t like to get involved if they feel uncomfortable or threatened or not sure what is going on. While i was walking to my car she was walking behind me with her hands on my ass talking to me about the conference.She was resting her hands on my butt.She had her arm around me from behind and was just cupping one of my boobs. I tried to walk fast but i was on a 5inch high heels.I didn’t say anything or tell her to stop. I was just standing and sitting there letting it happen. Afterwards when i got home I started breathing hard, my legs got weak, and my heart started to race really fast.I have never felt such shame or degradation like this in my life. That happened to me a month ago but i am still so embarrassed by the whole thing.I was physically stronger than her and eventually had to push her off me to make her stop,but I was quiet and afraid, I let her touch all over my body. I’m embarrassed that this weird ginger short skinny masculine stranger woman was touching me and groping me so intimately in front of more than 60 other women and I did nothing about it.I am physically stronger than her.I am 5ft10 tall well built well endowed and curvy.She is like 5ft3 tall skinny.I was on 6inch high heels she was in sneakers.Standing next to me she looked like a midget. People only seem to recognise/acknowledge one type of sexual abuse/rape - the 'classic' sense, that of course involves a man, him having the advantage of strength, the act being very violent, involving overpowering etc. etc. When...it didn't. At least not for me. The thing is, afterwards, I blocked out what happened and continued on as normal. And while this has happened, I've been too afraid to say anything. I've tried to block it out and ignore. Initially, I've been angry. Now I'm just afraid of the next time it'll happen. I'm so passive and weak. I've been left feeling extremely paranoid and anxious.
I want to tell my husband about this, but I'm afraid he won't believe me. He is extremely jealous and possessive.He is going to blame me. I'm still in shock, if I'm honest. Really delayed response, too. I don't know what happened to me that I just decided I couldn't face what happened and I had to repress. I had to move on as if nothing had happened. I feel so foolish and used by this pervert hideous short skinny mature total stranger woman.
- By Clownkicker