[Jbe]

Damn, Grumpy, our "secret" is out! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: But does Sugar know about her new living arrangements? :o :o My guess is she'll toss your ass out to the fire pit.

Good ones, Redback. :lol: :lol:

[327retro]

I May love Lexi, but the dog can't cook. Sugar knows how to us a 357 mag and an AR hunting rifle along with a pump action 12 gauge. The dog may be a good alarm but Sugar is more useful me thinks.

[327retro]

Proof once again Men & woman think slightly differently.

[Thinker]

He-he! My first thought was so that's where I left my keys!

[Jbe]

Hey, Grumps, think Sugar would be ok with me looking at it from her point of view as well? :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

[FastFive]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[redback]

I May love Lexi, but the dog can't cook. Sugar knows how to us a 357 mag and an AR hunting rifle along with a pump action 12 gauge. The dog may be a good alarm but Sugar is more useful me thinks.

Hey, Grumps, think Sugar would be ok with me looking at it from her point of view as well? :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

Jb, with a 357, an AR and 12G, seein things from Sugar's point of view could be dangerous. Worth it maybe but Definitely invitation only.
Women are funny critters, they get upset if you don't notice and they get upset if they catch you noticing.

[Jbe]

Hey, Fast, I tired to watch the vid but it won't play. It contains content not available for my country. Geee, I knew the U.S. was uptight... but seriously?! :evil: :roll: :roll: :roll:

[Jbe]

Point taken, RB. Probably not wise to get the strawberry blonde pissed at me. Not so much worried about Grumpy, though. He's a dawg- just like me. :lol: :lol: :lol:

[FastFive]

So the US doesn't Australia now? :lol:

Here's the same vid from another uploader:

" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; (just ignore the French subtitles).

[Jbe]

Ok... I could view that one. You know the U.S. has become the laughing stock of the world with this current election when other countries are shaking their collective heads.

[FastFive]

It's really nuts. I don't know how you all are dealing with it.

I mean, putting aside the Rep vs Dem issue (don't want to make this political) it's just utterly unbelievable that he's actually being taken seriously. :roll:

Literally, my dog could make more sense, better decisions, and run a country more successfully than that guy.

[Jbe]

Fast, I've been shaking my head for months at this upcoming election. We have three candidates that are leading and it's a matter of trying to decide who is going to do the least damage to our country.

[Jbe]

Honora and Manda were playing golf. Honora teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men-Jbe, Grumpy, Berty and Tyro- playing the next hole.

The ball hit Jbe. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

Honora rushed down to Jbe and immediately began to apologize.

"Please allow me to help. I'm a Physio-Therapist and I know I can relieve your pain if you'd allow me."

"Oh, no, I'll be alright. I'll be fine in a few minutes," Jbe replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. Honora gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.

She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, "How does that feel?"

"Feels great," Jbe replied; "but I still think my thumb's broken!"

:lol: :lol: :lol: :mrgreen:

[Jbe]

Fast, your comment on Sweet Stephanie's thread made me think of you for this one.

[Jbe]

For us guys.... and you ladies know it's true. :roll: :roll: :roll:

[redback]

Honora and Manda were playing golf. Honora teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men-Jbe, Grumpy, Berty and Tyro- playing the next hole.

The ball hit Jbe. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

Honora rushed down to Jbe and immediately began to apologize.

"Please allow me to help. I'm a Physio-Therapist and I know I can relieve your pain if you'd allow me."

"Oh, no, I'll be alright. I'll be fine in a few minutes," Jbe replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. Honora gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.

She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, "How does that feel?"

"Feels great," Jbe replied; "but I still think my thumb's broken!"

:lol: :lol: :lol: :mrgreen:

You wish :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Jbe]

Redback, Yes, I do!! :mrgreen: If one is going to fantasize, one should only go for the BEST!!

[redback]

Redback, Yes, I do!! :mrgreen: If one is going to fantasize, one should only go for the BEST!!

Very true mate and with Honora and Manda you picked the best of the best. 10 points.
But if it was my fantasy (and it is now,,lol) I wouldnt be quite so quick to tell her my thumb was the problem. -10points. :twisted: :mrgreen: :lol: :lol:

[Jbe]

Good point, RB. What the hell was I thinking?! :roll: :roll: :roll:

[FastFive]

Just with the ladies around here and on the main site, it would be a list as long as my arm.

[Jbe]

Sounds like this one should be for you, Redback. :lol:

[redback]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: It was an honest mistake Jb, anyone could have made it. There was no need for her to get violent. :shock: :o :? :cry:

[Jbe]

True dat, RB. :roll: :roll: :roll: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Jbe]

:shock: :shock: :shock: :lol:

[redback]

A father comes home to his son who is sitting on the couch, grinning from ear to ear. "What are you so happy about?" he asked.
"I just made love to the girl next door" he says proudly.
"Well done son. I hope you were wearing something."
"Yup" he replied. "A balaclava."..smile emoticon

[redback]

I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they
just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?"

[redback]

On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week.
Whereas, a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. This is
very upsetting news to Grumps. He had no idea He was Japanese. :lol: :lol:

[redback]

geography lesson

[Jbe]

A Japanese redneck? Hmmmm... that's kinda scary. :roll: :roll: :roll:

[redback]

This could come in handy

http://www.weibo.com/p/2304444fb153c58d ... ebcecd1230" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[redback]

Three friends married women from different parts of the world....
The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.....
The second man married a Philippino girl. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.....
The third man married a girl from Australia. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. The first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he urinates.....

[redback]

A Queenslander is drinking in a West Australian Pub when he gets a call on
his mobile phone and as he listens to the call he starts grinning from ear
to ear. Once he disconnects he shouts to the barman that he wants to buy
everyone in the bar a drink.
The barman starts serving the drinks and the people start to crowd around,
keen to know what they are celebrating.

"Well," he announces, "My wife's just produced a typical Queensland baby
boy weighing 25 pounds".
Nobody can believe that any baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the
Queenslander just shrugs, "That's about average in Queensland.
Like I said, my boy is a typical Queensland boy."

Congratulations showered him from all around and many exclamations of
"STREWTH" were heard. One woman even fainted due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later the Queenslander returns to the bar. The barman says
"You're the father of that typical Queensland baby that weighed 25 pounds
at birth aren't you? Everybody's been having bets about how big he'd be in
2 weeks, we were going to call you. So - how much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answers: "17 pounds."

The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? He weighed 25
pounds the day he was born!"

The Queensland father takes a l-o-n-g s-l-o-w swig from his XXXX Gold
beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans onto the bar and proudly
says, "Had him circumcised!"

[Jbe]

RB, next you are going to be claiming the Queenslander was your father. :roll: :roll: :roll: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Just saw the vid for the I-Gun. I dunno... :roll:

[redback]

[quote="Jbe"]RB, next you are going to be claiming the Queenslander was your father. :roll: :roll: :roll: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Well I am a typical Queenslander so we are probably related..............lol

[redback]

Ya gotta love politicians.


SPIN, THE AUSTRALIAN WAY

No matter what side of the political fence you're on, THIS is FUNNY and
VERY telling! It just all depends on how you look at the same things.

Judy Rudd, an amateur genealogy researcher in south east Queensland , was
doing some personal work on her own family tree. She discovered that
ex-Prime Minister Kevin Rudd's great-great uncle, Remus Rudd, was hanged
for horse stealing and train robbery in Melbourne in 1889.

Both Judy and Kevin Rudd share this common ancestor.

The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows at the
Melbourne Jail.

On the back of the picture Judy obtained during her research is this
inscription:

'Remus Rudd horse thief, sent to Melbourne Jail 1885, escaped 1887, robbed
the Melbourne-Geelong train six times.

Caught by Victoria Police Force, convicted and hanged in 1889.'

So Judy recently e-mailed ex-Prime Minister Rudd for information about
their great-great uncle, Remus Rudd.

Believe it or not, Kevin Rudd's staff sent back the following for her
genealogy research:

"Remus Rudd was famous in Victoria during the mid to late 1800s.

His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian
assets and intimate dealings with the Melbourne-Geelong Railroad..

Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to government
service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad.

In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the Victoria
Police Force.

In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his
honour when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed."

NOW That's how it's done, Folks!

That's real POLITICAL SPIN.

[redback]

Have a giggle.

[Thinker]

Couple's Golf Lessons

A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons.

The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard!"

"Well, what should I do?" asks the man.

"Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast."

The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and WOW! He hits the ball 250 yards...straight up the fairway.

The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson.

The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard."

"What can I do?" asks the wife.

"Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis."

The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway ... about 15 feet.

"That was great," the pro says. "Now, take the club out of your mouth and swing the club like you're supposed to!" says the pro.

[Jbe]

Thinker.... :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Good one!

[redback]

Grumpy and Sugar decide to retire to Texas, Queensland. A little border town about 3 hours west of Brisbane. Being in a town named Texas, even if it is in Australia, Grumpy decides he has to look the part so he goes to the nearest boot shop and buys the flashiest pair of cowboy boots they got.
He comes home from his shopping trip and proudly walks into the kitchen to show Sugar.
"You notice anything different Darl?" says Grumpy
Sugar looks up from cleaning her .357, looks Grumpy up and down and says "Nup."
Grumpy storms off to the bedroom, strips all his cloths off and just wearing his new boots goes back to the kitchen.
"Notice anything different now?" He asks.
Sugar looks up from stripping her AR15 and says, "Its hangin down today, it was hangin down yesterday and it will be hangin down again tomorrow. Nuthin different."
Now Grumpy is getting pissed off. "You know why its hangin down?" he yells. "Because its lookin at me new boots."
Sugar looks up from loading her 12 gauge and says "Shoulda bought a hat, Grump."
:mrgreen: :lol: :lol:

[redback]

thinker :lol: :lol: :lol:

[redback]

http://www.toilette-humor.com/funny_adu ... zart.shtml" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;



Its time all you heathens got some culture. :lol:

[redback]

Jb usin his dip stick

[redback]

Im learnin to talk Merican

[mandadees]

Couple's Golf Lessons

A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons.

The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard!"

"Well, what should I do?" asks the man.

"Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast."

The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and WOW! He hits the ball 250 yards...straight up the fairway.

The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson.

The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard."

"What can I do?" asks the wife.

"Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis."

The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway ... about 15 feet.

"That was great," the pro says. "Now, take the club out of your mouth and swing the club like you're supposed to!" says the pro.

You are sooo bad!!!

[Thinker]

I give golf lessons. I bring the club!

[rockclimber]

Hey, Fast, I tired to watch the vid but it won't play. It contains content not available for my country. Geee, I knew the U.S. was uptight... but seriously?! :evil: :roll: :roll: :roll:

John,

Try this. Create a new email, a yahoo account (or a gmail?)and list the country of user as Ireland. That is the important part. Then create a You tube account and associate it with that email. Then it should work. I found the same problem with a few music videos and Ireland does not allow that blocking ability. I probably haven't stated it properly but it did solve the problem for me.

Try and let me know how it works out.

Berty could do the same thing to get around the UK watching his web use.

[rockclimber]

Now for a joke....


A woman asked the pharmacist, "Do you sell Viagra?"
"Yes we do," he answered.
She asked, "Does it work?"
"Yes it does," he answered.
She said, "Can you get it over the counter?"
"I can, if I take two," he replied.


Ha!

[redback]

filekwnoxM_0 (1).png (155.41 KiB) Viewed 16275 times

[redback]

One for the ladies