Discuss and interact with contributors and members about Private Shots.
User avatar
By redback
#70782
another one for the ladies,,,,
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User avatar
By Coffjr
#71149
A blonde is on the bus when this guy gets on with both of his front
trouser pockets full of golf balls and sits down next to her.

The confused blonde keeps looking at him and his bulging pockets.

He notices her looking and eventually, after many such glances from her,
he says, “It’s golf balls.”

Nevertheless, the blonde continues to look at him for a very long time,
appearing to think deeply about what he had said.

After several minutes, she can’t contain her curiosity any more and asks:

“Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?” :o
User avatar
By redback
#71154
Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and everywhere that Mary went
the boys could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt
'twas split right up the front...
But she didn't wear that one often...smile emoticon
User avatar
By redback
#71155
Coffjr wrote:A blonde is on the bus when this guy gets on with both of his front
trouser pockets full of golf balls and sits down next to her.

The confused blonde keeps looking at him and his bulging pockets.

He notices her looking and eventually, after many such glances from her,
he says, “It’s golf balls.”

Nevertheless, the blonde continues to look at him for a very long time,
appearing to think deeply about what he had said.

After several minutes, she can’t contain her curiosity any more and asks:

“Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?” :o
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
User avatar
By Coffjr
#71247
This one might have been posted before...


'Father', he confessed, 'it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Nookie Green twice last month.'

The priest told the sinner, 'You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's.'

Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional. 'Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I've had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the past two months.'

This time, the priest questioned, 'Who is this Nookie Green?'

'A new woman in the neighborhood,' the sinner replied.

'Very well,' sighed the priest. Go and say ten Hail Mary's.;

At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes.

The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to reveal that she wasn't wearing any underwear.

The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, 'Is that Nookie Green?'

The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply,....'No Father, I think it's just a reflection from her shoes'.. :lol:
User avatar
By redback
#71256
A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?"

A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said,

"All I want out of life is four little animals, just like my Mom always
says".

The teacher asked, "Really and what four little animals would that be?"

The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage,

a tiger in the bed and a jackass to pay for all of it.

The teacher got a coughing fit and had to leave the room.
User avatar
By Coffjr
#71267
BRAN FLAKES:

The couple were 85 years old and had been married for 60 years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies.

Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.

One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.

They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and
a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet.

They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.'

The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. 'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.'

The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth.

'What are the greens fees?,' grumbled the old man.

'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every day.'

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages.

'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to the man. This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.'

The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife.

'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods and the decaffeinated tea?,' he asked.

That's the best part,' St. Peter replied. 'You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!'

The old man pushed, 'No gym to work out at?'

'Not unless you want to,' was the answer.

'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or....'

'Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.'

The old man glared at his wife and said, ................

'You and your f...ing Bran Flakes.. We could have been here ten years ago!'
User avatar
By redback
#71757
Remember the 7 qualities for the perfect girlfriend ...
Beautiful, Intelligent, Gentle, Thoughtful, Innocent, Trustworthy,
Sensible.
Or in other words ... B.I.G.T.I.T.S.
User avatar
By redback
#71841
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who
was in charge.
The Brain said: "I should be in charge, because I run all the body's
systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the Heart, "because I pump the blood and
circulate oxygen all over the body, so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the Stomach, "because I process food and
give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the Rectum, "because I'm responsible for
waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the Rectum and insulted him, so in
a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the Brain had a
terrible headache, the Stomach was bloated, and the Blood was toxic.
Eventually All the other Body Organs gave in. They all agreed that the Rectum should be the Boss.
The moral of the story..?
You don't have to be smart or important to be in charge... just an Asshole.
User avatar
By 327retro
#71853
redback wrote:Remember the 7 qualities for the perfect girlfriend ...
Beautiful, Intelligent, Gentle, Thoughtful, Innocent, Trustworthy,
Sensible.
Or in other words ... B.I.G.T.I.T.S.
Don't blame me if you get the where for from Sugar RB. She asked what B.I.G.T.I.T.S has to do with it. Warning she is a Strawberry Blond. It's the strawberry part ya gota worry about. :lol: :roll:

G-Day Driver.
User avatar
By redback
#72162
A truly Australian culinary experience.
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User avatar
By Coffjr
#72194
High Urinals


A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female
teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack, (Churchill Downs )

to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (Bourbon),

but mostly to see the horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided
that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the
other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room
when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants,
and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, holding on to their
'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually
well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring the teacher said,

'You must be in the 5th grade.

''No, ma'am', he replied. 'I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race, but I appreciate your help.
User avatar
By Coffjr
#72195
A Blonde's Year in Review
(not directed toward you Sugar) :)

January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.
Hello!.......bottles wouldn't fit in printer!

March
Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.
Box said, '2-4 years!'

April
Got trapped on an escalator for hours...
Power went out!

May
Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....
8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!

June
Tried to go water skiing.......
Couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition.
Learned later that the other swimmers cheated- they used their arms! :-}

August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm.
Darn car filled up with water because convertible top was open.

September
The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it?

October
Hate M & M's.....They are so hard to peel.

November
Baked Thanksgiving turkey for 4 1/2 days.
Instructions said bake 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!

December
Couldn't call 911.
'Duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!
User avatar
By Coffjr
#72210
Women
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User avatar
By Coffjr
#72305
On a bitterly cold winter morning a husband and wife were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say,

"We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street today, so the snow plows can get through."

So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said,

"We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street today, so the snow plows can get through."

The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says,

"We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park...."

Then the electric power went out.

The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said,

"I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on today so the snowplows can get through?"

Then with the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied,

"Why don't you just leave the car in the garage this time."
User avatar
By redback
#72529
A lorry driver goes on a date with a girl.
Afterwards they go back to her parents place.
They were just beginning to have sex on the couch.
When he feels the cold steel of a gun barrel on his neck.
Before he could turn around her father said,
"If you are a real lorry driver, you'll be able to back out of there with a full load!!..:)
User avatar
By redback
#72531
A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed.

His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied:

“Some things you just can’t explain.

This morning I was outside milking.

As soon as the bucket was fill the cow kicked it down with his left foot so I tied up his left to a pole.

I began to fill up the bucket again and he kicked it down with his right foot, so I tied his right to a pole too.

As soon as I finished milking him again he knocked down the bucket with his with his tail and I took off my belt and tied up his tail with my belt.

As I was tying up his tail, my pants dropped down, then my wife came out and well, trust me, some things you just can’t explain!
User avatar
By redback
#73363
Redback stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They
couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would
just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a
gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple
of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a
problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by Mandadees who
told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603
Mockingbird Lane?'
RB said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that
house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'

Manda suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket.
Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the
goose in your other hand?' 'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded
to walk Manda home.

On the way RB says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll
be there in no time. Manda looked him over cautiously then
said,
'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.. How do I know that
when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my
skirt, and have your way with me?'

RB said, 'Holy smokes Manda! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of
paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold
you up against the wall and do that?'

Mandadees replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put
the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.
User avatar
By Coffjr
#73576
A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down……

The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"

"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"

"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble."

"I'd be happy to," said the blonde.

So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.

With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo!"

"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde. "But we had money left over so now we're going to Sea World."
User avatar
By redback
#73984
A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands.
A waitress working a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table but the woman stared straight ahead.
The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman stared straight ahead.
The waitress, thinking this behavior a bit risqué and that it might offend other diners, went over to the table and, tactfully began by saying to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."
The woman calmly looked up at her and said, "No, he didn't. He just walked in the door.”
User avatar
By redback
#75691
Men can't win...

Oh what a tangled language English is and how easy it is to
misconstrue.......

A man takes a lady out to dinner for the first time. Later they go on to a
show.

The evening is a huge success and as he drops her at her door he says 'I
have had a lovely time.

You looked so beautiful, you remind me of a beautiful climbing rose. May I
call on you tomorrow?'

She agrees and a date is made.

The next night he knocks on her door and when she opens it she slaps him
hard across the face.

He is stunned. 'What was that for?' he asked.

She said... I looked up "beautiful climbing rose" on Google last night and
it said "Best suited for rooting against a brick wall or fence, no good in
an open bed."
User avatar
By redback
#75692
Three trees & a woodpecker......

It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but here
is one:

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree
begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, 'Is that a
son of a beech or a son of a birch?' The birch says he cannot tell, but
just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

The birch says, 'Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if hat is
a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, 'It is neither
a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of
ash I have ever poked my pecker into.
User avatar
By Coffjr
#75845
Two blondes were driving to Disneyland.

The sign said: Disneyland left...

So they started crying and headed back home. :roll:
User avatar
By honora
#76342
A nurse walks into a bank totally exhausted after an 18 hour shift. She grabs a deposit slip, pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse, and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and says, "Well, that's great...some asshole's got my pen!"
User avatar
By redback
#76345
honora wrote:A nurse walks into a bank totally exhausted after an 18 hour shift. She grabs a deposit slip, pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse, and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and says, "Well, that's great...some asshole's got my pen!"
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
User avatar
By FastFive
#76350
LOL H. :lol:
By Merlin52
#76384
redback wrote:A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed.

His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied:

“Some things you just can’t explain.

This morning I was outside milking.

As soon as the bucket was fill the cow kicked it down with his left foot so I tied up his left to a pole.

I began to fill up the bucket again and he kicked it down with his right foot, so I tied his right to a pole too.

As soon as I finished milking him again he knocked down the bucket with his with his tail and I took off my belt and tied up his tail with my belt.

As I was tying up his tail, my pants dropped down, then my wife came out and well, trust me, some things you just can’t explain!
We was milking the bull?
User avatar
By 327retro
#76595
Got to watch those floozies RB, never know who they'll run of with out the back door. Glad to see you've put some weight on since then. :roll: I heard Plain Betty turned out to be quite the looker. :mrgreen: Who knew. :o

Later Driver
User avatar
By Coffjr
#76669
Grumpy - when I first saw the picture, I thought it was someone on Obamacare. :lol:
User avatar
By redback
#76795
Are you are Man or a Woman?
To find out the answer, look down...
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Look Down! Not scroll down, you bloody twit !! :)
User avatar
By 327retro
#76822
Coffjr wrote:Grumpy - when I first saw the picture, I thought it was someone on Obamacare. :lol:
Ya know having thought about it, once all the money you have is sucked out of ya. Obama Care will come after your inner parts & blood, one certainly will look like that. The rest will look like that just waiting on so called health care. Obama Care killing everyone sooner yet equally.
User avatar
By redback
#76848
Very interesting - I think you'll find it is extremely accurate!
WHO IS YOUR ROLE MODEL???
Try it without looking at answers
1) Pick your Favourite number between 1-9
2) Multiply by 3 then
3) Add 3, then again Multiply by 3 (I'll wait while you get the calculator)
4) You'll get a 2 or 3 digit number.
5) Add the digits together
Now with that number see who your ROLE MODEL is from the list below :
1) Einstein
2) Nelson Mandela
3) Jacob Zuma
4) Tom Cruise
5) Bill Gates
6) Gandhi
7) Brad Pitt
8) Hitler
9) redback
10) Barack Obama
I know....I just have that effect on people....one day you too can be like
me....
P.S. - Stop picking different numbers. I am your idol, just deal with it !
User avatar
By Coffjr
#76968
One day, while going to the shop, I passed
by a retirement village. On the front lawn
were six old ladies, lying naked spread eagle on the grass.
I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued
on my way.

On my return trip, I passed the same
retirement village with the same six old ladies
lying naked on the lawn.

This time my curiosity got the better of me and
I went inside to talk to the retirement village
Administrator, and asked her,
"Do you know there are six ladies lying naked on your front lawn?"

"Yes," she said, "aren't they darlings? They're
retired prostitutes - they're having a yard
sale.."
User avatar
By redback
#77346
A guy is walking down the street with some chicken wire under his arm. His neighbor sees him and asks what he has. The guy replies, "Its chicken wire and I'm going to catch some chickens." His neighbor says, "You fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire." Later that night, he sees the guy walking down the street dragging 12 chickens. The next day he sees him walking down the street with some duct tape under his arm. Once again he asks what the guy is up to. The guy says he has some duct tape and he is going to catch some ducks. He replies, "You fool, you can't catch ducks with duct tape." Sure enough later that night, he sees the guy walking down the street dragging 12 ducks behind him. The next day, he sees the guy walking with something else under his arm. He asks what it is. The guy replies, "Its pussy willow." He says, "Hold on, let me get my hat."
User avatar
By redback
#77477
A hot looking blonde with perfect tits walks in to a casino and wanders up to one of the craps tables. She looks at the two table handlers and says “I want to bet $25,000 dollars. It’s all the money I have. The only request is that I play topless as I have found that this provides me the most luck at winning.”
The two men agree and watch anxiously as the woman unbuttons her blouse, removes it, and then removes her bra. She puts the money down on the table and rolls the dice. As the dice stop, she starts jumping up and down and screaming, “I WON I WON I WON!” She gathers her winnings puts the chips in her bag, pulls on her shirt and walks out.
The two men at the table look at each other, one asks the other, “So what did she roll?” The other man says, “I thought you where watching?”
User avatar
By redback
#77554
One Sunday, a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money. He asked the people to consider donating a little more than usual into the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns. After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in the offering.
He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate. A very quiet, elderly, saintly looking lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front.
Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanks asked her to pick out three hymns.
Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three most handsome men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him."
User avatar
By Coffjr
#77963
A fifteen-year-old came home with a Porsche, and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that car?"

He calmly told them, "I bought it today."

"With what money!?" demanded his parents. "We know what a Porsche costs."

"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars."

The parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars!?" they asked.

"It was the lady up the street," said the boy. "Don't know her name -- they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars."

"Oh my goodness!" moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on."

So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting flowers. He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche to for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.

“Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but I learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary. Then apparently she stole all his money and stranded him there!

Well he called me, without a dollar to his name, and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So that's exactly what I did."
User avatar
By 327retro
#78066
RB & JR. you guys are sick puppies. Don't know where you get these jokes from but at times its just what I need to help forget an aggravating day.

G'Day Mates.
User avatar
By Coffjr
#78421
Grumpy, I know you aren't old enough - but was this a relative?? :lol:

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years
User avatar
By Coffjr
#78422
I was telling a woman in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.
“Really” she said, “Go on then… try.”
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, “Come on, what day was I born?”
I said, “Yesterday.” ;) :lol:
User avatar
By 327retro
#78471
Coffjr wrote:Grumpy, I know you aren't old enough - but was this a relative?? :lol:

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years
So that's what happened to Uncle Herman. (thrice removed) Legend has it he built a new cabin deep in the hills but a black bear got him while he was asleep minding the still. Poor Black Bear is still wondering the woods looking for a way to get rid of the indigestion.
User avatar
By Coffjr
#78735
Lauren was lying in bed one night when she felt her husband’s hand caressing her neck in a way that she hadn’t experienced in quite a while. Then it slid down her side, stopping at her knee, which was as far as her husband could reach. Then he moved closer and did the same on her other side before abruptly stopping and moving away. Aroused and delighted by this unexpected attention, Lauren whispered, “Honey, that was wonderful. Why did you stop?” He answered, “I found the remote”.
User avatar
By Coffjr
#78811
Paddy had been drinking at his local pub all day and most of the night, celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, 'You'll not be drinking any more tonight, Paddy'. Paddy replies, 'OK Mick, I'll be on my way then'.

Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. 'Damn' he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.

He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face, 'oh damn!' He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame.

He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face. I'm in trouble,' he says.

He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside.

He takes a look up the stairs and says 'No way....' He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says 'I can make it to the bed'. He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says 'damn it' and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, 'Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night ?' Paddy says, 'I did, Jess. I was really drunk. But how did you know?'

'Mick phoned .. . . You left your wheelchair at the pub.'
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